Holy Mother of Matrimony

Listen up ladies, you know who you are! The ones with the sparkly rock on your finger (and those of you dreaming of one). Here is the Girlfriends Guide to Marriage. I am here to share a few secrets that your family in the throes of congratulatory euphoria may not have bestowed upon you yet.

First, remember you are going to have to treat those marriage vows like the verbal contract that they are. And, as with any contract, there is always the fine print. I am specifically referring to the "for better or worse" clause. Oh yes, say it with me...for better or worse (don't think if you write your own vows that you are released from this clause. It is still implied.). Also, don't be fooled by the "or" because this almost implies that you have a choice in the matter. You don't. I think it would be more accurate to say "for better AND worse." After all, it is "in sickness and health, right?

The "for better" part, well here it is:

Better - adj. Comparative of good. 1. Greater in excellence or higher in quality. 2. More useful, suitable, or desirable. (A no-brainer right?)

The "for worse" part, just check it out:

Worse - adj. Comparative of bad. 1. Of more inferior quality, value, or condition. 2. More unfavorable, difficult, unpleasant or painful. (Doesn't sound so good does it?)

Worse can be anything, ranging from financial crises and infidelity to snoring and poor grooming habits. Say for instance that your fiance's nose makes a cute little noise when he's sleeping, the one that you think is so endearing now. Yeah, I am here to tell you, 10 years down the road at 4 AM, not so much. You will lie awake staring at the ceiling wondering how in the world you ever thought this was either cute or endearing. You may even imagine that you may have had a temporary brain tumor that impaired your judgement and logical reasoning at the time. It will be the only answer that makes any sense to you.

Opposites attract? Yes indeed. But do opposites stay together? That is the question you really need to ask yourself. For example, sloppy and neat don't mix unless for the rest of your life you want to be the only one doing the housekeeping. I liken it to the person in the parade who cleans up after the horses. You're job will be to continually pick up the mess that's left in front of you. On a daily basis you will contemplate why a grown man would leave his dirty socks and underwear on the floor, leave dishes in the sink, blow his nose in the shower, and burp and fart at the dinner table. You know the expression, "Were you raised in a barn?" It will become your mantra.

So just remember...for better AND worse.