Ever have a bad encounter with a clerk?

When I was grocery shopping the other day I ended up picking a line with a cashier who was obviously miserable in his job. He was a dodgy looking little man with glasses and flapping skin. As I started loading my groceries on the conveyor belt he gave me the "stink eye." Seriously, then he muttered under his breath that "I had more than a few items." Well, there was NO SIGN indicating that it was an express lane!

The nasty crudgmudgen didn't even bother to pack my bags... and on top of it all I was in such a rush to scramble out from under his hateful glare that I squashed my loaf of bread! My children ended up eating sandwiches made on bread slices resembling pieces of a jig-saw puzzle!

The next time I popped in, there he was behind his cash register, his eyes darting wildly about like an evil troll guarding his treasure. His lane was empty (no shocker there), but you better believe I would stand in a line 20 people deep before I got in his lane again!!!

A Mom Decoder Ring...

The other day my mom phoned to ask if I had watched a particular movie. Now you have to personally know my mom to understand that she has her own unique form of communication. There are always a lot of whatchamacallits, doodads, and thingamabobs thrown into the mix. You need a decoder of sorts to interpret what she says. Of course over the years I've become masterful at translating my mom's banter, but I must admit that sometimes even I get stumped. This is how our recent exchange went...


"It was a really good movie," she tells me.

"What's the name of it?" I asked.

"I'm not sure," she replies. "But is has that actress in it. You know... whodoyoucallit."

"Uhm... would you please be a little more specific."

"Blond. I think she was on a TV show."

"OK Mom, I still need something more to go on..."

"She was married to that one guy and then he went off with that other woman."

Eesh! That covered more than half the celebrity couples out there.

Hmm. I thought for a moment. Aha! "Jennifer Aniston," I guessed. "She was on Friends, married to Brad Pitt, who is now with Angelina Jolie."

Silence.

"Mom? Hello? Is the actress Jennifer Aniston?"

"Maybe," she offers. "It was a really cute movie, you should watch it."

*Sigh*

"Thanks Mom, I will."