In my previous post, I wrote about participating in a language exchange program (in an effort to complete the item on my bucket list - learn a second language). Now whenever I have a free moment I try to study Italian. Truthfully, I'm not exactly the best student and my lap top isn't helping matters. For instance when it freezes up in the middle of a lesson. I inevitably see it as a sign that this just isn't meant to be. But realistically I know that it's just self-doubt creeping in.
Oh, I thought this unwanted interloper was long gone, dismissed alongside other disparaging insecurities from a long ago adolescence. But there it is, still lurking in the shadows. He is a sly one, self-doubt. He waits until I am tired and frustrated, then slowly sidles up and whispers in my ear that maybe, just maybe, I can't accomplish this. But it's not my fault he coos, after all I'm not a kid anymore. Things just don't stick like they used to and I'm so busy now. So many other things to get done, more important things, than a silly wish on a bucket list. But, I shake it off, take a deep breath and refocus my efforts.
I will reboot my computer.
I will call the tech support helpline.
I will have patience!
I will kick self-doubt to the curb!!!
It's relearning how to slow down. To remember that some things (no matter how old-fashioned it sounds) just take time to complete. We are currently living in a world of instant gratification...on-demand movies, instant MP3 downloads, digital cameras, email. It's easy to forget that you can't just download a new language into your brain like you can a music file to your iPod. So I will continue to study, practice and most importantly believe in myself. I won't allow the unwanted interloper to get the best of me.
As one of my new Italian friends reminds me, "Roma non รจ stata fatta in un giorno" -The Roman Empire was not built in a day.
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