Bucket List - Part II

For those of you keeping up with my blog, you know that recently I have taken up Italian. And to help supplement my studies I enrolled in a language exchange program. It was easy. I just set up a profile, waited the 24 hr approval period, and began my search for a pen pal. Graciously three out of four people responded to my plea for help with my Italian (in exchange for lessons in English). All three have faithfully corresponded with me from our initial contact.

I am fortunate that they are all very patient. Obviously I love to write (it's what I do!). And for this reason I am easily frustrated when I can't string together the appropriate words to translate into comprehensible Italian. Even with the help of an English/Italian dictionary I end of up saying strange things like.."we should buy more butter to write us back at the library!" However, I am so determined to master this second language that I read everything I can get my hands on. Then every once in awhile I get something right! "Perfect Italian" one of my new friends tell me. Grazie mille!!!

I am so impressed by the level of English all three can read and write. Some days I am not sure if this is more intimidating than inspiring. I feel like I am struggling along, but mainly because I want to rush. I sit through my lessons of un, una, il, la, etc.,etc. All the time wondering if I will be able to speak Italian in 6 months (as guaranteed), or if I'll be the first person to have her money refunded! Ah well, I continue to write to these new friends of mine, that are so kind and gracious. One day who knows, maybe I will be able to write an entire blog in Italian...and I promise, it won't have anything to do about butter!

Self-doubt: The Unwanted Interloper

In my previous post, I wrote about participating in a language exchange program (in an effort to complete the item on my bucket list - learn a second language). Now whenever I have a free moment I try to study Italian. Truthfully, I'm not exactly the best student and my lap top isn't helping matters. For instance when it freezes up in the middle of a lesson. I inevitably see it as a sign that this just isn't meant to be. But realistically I know that it's just self-doubt creeping in.

Oh, I thought this unwanted interloper was long gone, dismissed alongside other disparaging insecurities from a long ago adolescence. But there it is, still lurking in the shadows. He is a sly one, self-doubt. He waits until I am tired and frustrated, then slowly sidles up and whispers in my ear that maybe, just maybe, I can't accomplish this. But it's not my fault he coos, after all I'm not a kid anymore. Things just don't stick like they used to and I'm so busy now. So many other things to get done, more important things, than a silly wish on a bucket list. But, I shake it off, take a deep breath and refocus my efforts.

I will reboot my computer.

I will call the tech support helpline.

I will have patience!

I will kick self-doubt to the curb!!!

It's relearning how to slow down. To remember that some things (no matter how old-fashioned it sounds) just take time to complete. We are currently living in a world of instant gratification...on-demand movies, instant MP3 downloads, digital cameras, email. It's easy to forget that you can't just download a new language into your brain like you can a music file to your iPod. So I will continue to study, practice and most importantly believe in myself. I won't allow the unwanted interloper to get the best of me.

As one of my new Italian friends reminds me, "Roma non è stata fatta in un giorno" -The Roman Empire was not built in a day.